this summer has been a hard one.
acheiving a goal i was never convinced i actually would left me with emptiness rather than acomplishment.
in a world of anxiety.
i have the degree i always wanted but no job.
no money.
but most concerning, no purpose.
by the time i finish grad school (assuming i can - the thought of working with actual scientists leaves me almost paralyzed with fear. i keep imagining myself showing up to a high-tech NASA lab with my saftey scissors and lunchbox) and finally make it into the field, i'll be 35. that's so ridiculous i can't help but laugh. 35 is the age when your eggs start to rot. 35 is the over-the-hill of twentysomethings. it's another box older on all the forms in the world. my mom says it's better to be 35 with your masters than 35 without it but i'd like to be 35 in someone else's life.
(ok, not all the time, just when it looks easier.)
in my entire life, no matter what i do, i always feel one step off. maybe one day i'll get used to it?
i guess all i really want to know is... is the hard part of life over yet so i can move to the country, wear jeans and wellies everyday, grow veggies and start my own farm animal sanctuary?
dude, i don't know if it ever gets easier....just different. congrats on your accomplishment! dump the worry for one night, drink a cold beer and pat yourself on the back!
ReplyDeletecongratulations!
ReplyDeleteagree with it all. when i decided to go to grad school, i had these same thoughts. it flies by, is worth every minute and was an awesome experience for me. you would love it. just take the plunge...you will be glad you did.