break-ups are hard.

the recovery is even harder.

i'm a dance floor tiger lady

i don't know where you stand when it comes to leslie hall, though i can't

imagine it would be anywhere other than with me as one of the most

ardent members of her fan club.

(who wouldn't appreciate a chubby white girl rapper who built her schtick

around a pair of gold spandex pants, right?)

while my favs include "this is how we go out" (@ 0:50  and 3:24) and 

"gold pants lullaby" (@ 0:44 and 1:35) my new fav and the one that has brought me much happiness on this incredibly sucky day is "tight pants/body rolls"

behold, the most incredible video on the internet...

@ 1:26 - my fav

are we there yet?

this summer has been a hard one.

acheiving a goal i was never convinced i actually would left me with emptiness rather than acomplishment.

in a world of anxiety.

i have the degree i always wanted but no job.

no money.

but most concerning, no purpose.

by the time i finish grad school (assuming i can - the thought of working with actual scientists leaves me almost paralyzed with fear. i keep imagining myself showing up to a high-tech NASA lab with my saftey scissors and lunchbox) and finally make it into the field, i'll be 35.  that's so ridiculous i can't help but laugh.  35 is the age when your eggs start to rot.  35 is the over-the-hill of twentysomethings.  it's another box older on all the forms in the world.  my mom says it's better to be 35 with your masters than 35 without it but i'd like to be 35 in someone else's life.  

(ok, not all the time, just when it looks easier.)

in my entire life, no matter what i do, i always feel one step off. maybe one day i'll get used to it?

i guess all i really want to know is... is the hard part of life over yet so i can move to the country, wear jeans and wellies everyday, grow veggies and start my own farm animal sanctuary?

 

#Haven'tMaturedAtAll

is it bad how bad is it that i wish i had a "Teen Mom" 

chat group with my friends?

seriously, could you love macy any more?

and is everyone else fast forwarding through that trashcan, amber's, scenes?

and i'm pulling so hard for catelynn and tyler but i'm losing faith that they'll be able to survive their situations.

i feel so sad for farrah and at the very same time, feeling an overwhelming need to slap her.  she isn't good for my buddhist kindness practice.

so, to sum it all up, yes i finally earned my bachelor's degree in 

biology and while i'm waiting to find out about grad school, i'm 

making very good use of my time.

days 7 & 8

day 7 - fruit.

i admit, i don't eat a lot of fruit.  it's too intimidating - i feel like it's always either not ripe enough or rotten and there's about a five second window of yumminess that i always miss.  it just doesn't seem worth the effort.  but it turns out there was a nice little surprise in my take home bag from papa's the other night - a little container of berries.  now berries i love.  especially on cold [vegan] vanilla ice cream.  and because we never seem to have bowls that are clean, i ate it out of a measuring cup.

who could resist?

day 8 - a bad habit.

plenty of these to go around but not so many that i'd publicly admit to.  this is probably the one that bothers michelle the most and it's a daily occurrence.  not only can she not stand the sound of me eating sunflower seeds (which could drive a gal crazy since i eat at least one bag a day), but i often leave little piles of shells laying all around. like a little hamster, but much less cute.  oopsie.

has to be frito lay, no david's for me.

days 5 & 6

day 5 - from a high angle.

so, i knew all day where i would be spending the evening and i knew

ahead of time the shot i wanted.  Team Amiel was heading to

Stan's Blue Note to watch the Mavs game and i thought a picture from the

upper level down onto the crowd would be perfect for this assignment.

then i forgot to take my camera.

then i got a little drunk.

then i attempted to take a picture with my camera phone.

and then, the pictures i took disappeared.

oopsie, i must have forgotten that key "save picture" step.  so, here is a picture from the past that fits the bill and is also one of my favorite pics of all time.

Bowie comma david, Costello like elvis, Doobie [brothers] and Bruce (not springsteen)

day 6 - from a low angle.

i didn't quite come up with a good strategy or have any specific ideas
for this assignment.  since i have been spending an hour every day
babysitting my brother's new puppy (who is either named chunkina or banina,
either way, cute as pie) and i was taking 1400 pictures of her already,
i snapped one while i was down on her level.
isn't she adorable?!

i don't know why some people are scared of pit bulls.  they have the cutest faces on the planet.

days 3 & 4

day 3: clouds.  i sort of punked out on this assignment.  there were ZERO clouds on sunday.  i was out at the Byron most of the day and i mean, not a single cloud in the sky and trust me, i was on the lookout because we really could have used one.  so.friggin.hot.  so i took the photo today instead.  oopsie.  and then i missed my chance again because i was planning to head to the lake to get a picture of clouds at sunset but i got distracted by new fingernail polish (i was attempting a version of these beautiful nails) and all of a sudden it was dark.  so instead, something terribly generic...

day 4: something green.  thanks to pinterest, i'm totally obsessed with yarn-wrapped letters lately so the other day, i wrapped my absolute favorite sort-of letter, the ampersand (which, to me, is the ultimate symbol of love.  anything & anything...  it's just so promising).  i wrapped mine in bright lime green and because i love it so much, i chose it as the subject of my "something green" assignment...

my love, in front of the camera & me, behind the camera

day 2 - what you wore today

so today, four of us got together at 8 a.m. and headed out to Akin Organic Farm in Terrell, TX to volunteer with The Gleaning Network of Texas. we volunteered to help with the harvest of potatoes, LOTS of onions, garlic and beans at the Akin farm after the death of their patriarch, Michie Akin.  it was dusty and a little hot, but it sure was fun.  they grow all kinds of yummy food (trust me, i know because we ate a few beans as we were picking!) and then distribute it - some to sell, some to donate and some goes to the volunteers that harvested it.  if you're looking for a volunteer opportunity that only takes a few hours and would be fun for kiddos, this is it!

anyhow, this is what i wore today:

a little dark, a little grainy - a little like how i feel right now.  dirty.

day 1 - self portrait

first day of the photo challenge and if it weren't for krista, i would've already quit because i HATE taking pictures of myself.  

so i kinda cheated.  oh well, you get what you get.  

this is going to be hard for me to stick with because i'm hyper critical of everything i do and coming up with something i like every single day for 30 days might just break me.

we shall see.

telling myself "if you wanna be better, you hafta practice"

 

weekend play-by-play.

happy 60th birthday to papa.

getting it started at Saint Ann's

the loon-style drinks (can you even stand to have more than one of their mixed drinks in an evening?!) started flowing and folks started enjoying themselves. 

nice that eric was there to entertain michelle and michelle was there to entertain eric.

we then took a vote and moved the party to Lee Harvey's.  and thank god.  i can only take so many gals -- actually i'm not gonna do that.  (ok, but i do want to know when super-thin yoga pants, no panties, and those super stacked, strappy heels became the hostess uniform.  it was fucking stressin' me out watching those gals try to get around - it's like a cirque du soleil act.  i wonder how often someone breaks an ankle up in that joint.)  so let's just say i was thrilled to be at Lee Harvey's, eating fries, drinkin' whiskey-diets, and listening to Boys Named Sue.

also, hanging with this guy.

i had to give him a good pat.  and a french fry.

and suddenly, my brother, Reid, loses his mind.

he screams across the yard to some girl walking up the sidewalk.  it just happened to be the bitchin'est Top Chef contestant, Casey Thompson.  so there might be a wedding soon, i'm not sure.  i think there was some kind of proposal.

i think casey thompson is his john cusack.

(we're almost done - hang in there.)

so then, Cierra falls in love with one of these guys even though they don't live here and also suck.  just kidding.  i don't know that for sure.  i'm just trying to receive the message they're trying to send with those cheek piercings.

i'm sure it's a very nice dumpster they live in.

to be fair to Cierra, at least he loved her back.

it's really sweet.  i have nothing else to say.  well, i do but i'm not gonna.

and then all the drunkstations went home.

the end.

saturday i made lots of new jewelry of which i cannot make any pretty 

pictures because i live in a cave.

and sunday, i made a new earring holder for to store all the earrings i 
make and never wear (and i swear it looks a million times better in real life.)

Exhibit A: i am in dire need of a photography set-up at the house.  and a better flash.  and other stuff.

Exhibit B.  i'm embarrassed to even post these pictures.

so there you have it.

that's all i got.

more favorites at the casa

i love knickknacks.

i like to think it has something to do with my creative side but it probably has more to do with the family packrat gene on my father's side.

i think we all like to have things around that remind us of good times.  some just have a less discerning eye, perhaps, than others when it comes to making these keep-forever-and-display-at-home choices.

i'm pretty sure my collections run the gamut.

anyhow, the point is that one of my collections is another thing on the "stuff i now love at casa de tres" list.

my photojojo dinosaurs. 

they're the next best thing in the package you get in the mail from photojojo, the first, of course, being the actual thang you ordered - unless it's a gift you ordered for someone else and don't get to keep in which case the dinosaur is the first best thing.

they even list them on the invoice:

(1) RAWR  $0.00

the anthropologie ornament ain't bad either and since it's about all i can afford there, it's a treasure all on its own.

something new.

sometimes i forget about the positive things that are happening so in an effort to recognize the things that i like on a day-to-day basis (pema calls this cheerfulness practice), i want to share some of the things that i now love about casa de tres.  

to fully be able to appreciate this shift, you would have to know how much i hated -- and i do mean hated -- this house, for so long. i missed my cute little forest hills house, with the charming crystal door knobs and tiny little black and white 

bathroom floor tiles. then i came to this house - blah and more blah. and for some reason, for years and years, we just lived here. didn't paint a wall. didn't hang a picture. didn't plant a flower.
  

but at some point, the house won us over, we decided to stay, 

 and i got busy ignoring all the rules and making this house 

a place that i love. 

and this kitchen wall, though not yet complete, is one of my favorite things. the wall is truly the color of a tropical flower, and who wouldn't smile at that? 

the board is everything i love - a little bit industrial, 

a little bit fun and full of pictures that make me happy. and of course, the latest addition, our plastic gold pegasus, 

acquired at the deep ellum arts festival this year. 

 

she can lick her own elbow.

vintage effect + helvetica type makes things pretty.

a sad day at casa de tres.

The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

— Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart   

my sweet Bruce.  

my sweet grey, who, when he looked down that long, long nose at you, strangely resembled barbra streisand.

he was my favorite.  and he will be missed, but remembered with a smile.

easier said than done.

p.s.  if you or anyone you know is looking for an absolute lovebug of a dog, greyhounds make the best companions.  they require little more than a spot on the couch, a walk now and then and all the love you have to give.  they're great family dogs, get along with just about everyone (maybe not the best friend of cats), require relatively little exercise and do great, even in apartments.
please visit Greyhounds Unlimited to learn more about the wonderful world of greys.
http://greyhoundsunlimited.org/

i don't have to grow up because i'm gay.

first let me say that i just can't be bothered to blog these days because i am completely distracted by my new love, pinterest. i actually can't be bothered to do many things these days because of my new love.

i will always, however, find time to celebrate and that is just what we did last weekend for st. paddy's day. it has become a big to-do with the parking of the cars, the food prep, the trashcan punch, the t-shirt design . . . it goes on and on. and i can't say that i'm not slightly embarrassed to be 32 years old and still designing Team Amiel koozies that say "i'm fucking drunk" and boozin' it up on the street at     7 a.m. while many of my friends are at home with the kiddos, going to soccer practice or the zoo, i'm getting sloppy. my honest thought, though, is that it has something to do with having kids. i feel like that's the tipping point and since, uh, i don't get to have them (or at least not very easily), i haven't been required to really grow up. yep that's right - i just excused my behavior and used being gay as an excuse. i'm pretty good at rationalizing my ridiculousness.

anyhow, we had some good times. here's the proof:

in the next picture, reid's hand is over hallie's mouth.

Team Amiel

nothing wrong with sipping champagne from the bottle

then there was the after party at the Dojo with Papa Large:

eric was actually doing back-flips, beer in hand. 

Team Amiel MVP nomination.

drunksies.

a little flip cup, played incorrectly.

a little front yard sittin'.

pétanque in the front yard: my favorite part of the day.

sometimes music is just the thing.

in case you were wondering:

autopsies are gross.  they are not cool.  they are not something you want to go home and talk about.  they are nothing to brag about.  they are not for making jokes.  they are not sad, they are just gloomy.  and smelly.

so, i guess that answers that about medical school.  i'll probably still take the MCAT just for kicks (and to prove to myself that i can do it) but i'm pretty sure i don't ever again in my life want to see (or hear) what i saw (and heard) yesterday.

who knew being nice would be so hard?

i am likely the most guilty of this offense of anyone i know.  

my inner dialogue about myself is harsher than anything i've ever

said aloud about anyone else. but being kind to ourselves is such an

important part of practicing kindness with others, so i think it's 

worth a reminder every now and then.

pema says maitri (unconditional friendliness to oneself) is the seed 

of happiness and really, who isn't looking for a little more of that?

;)